What To Send When Someone Dies
This one question settles almost everything else — what to send, how big, and when it should arrive.
The Family, At Home
The most common and most useful thing to send. A boxed arrangement or bouquet that arrives at the house, needs nothing done to it, and sits somewhere they will see it for a fortnight.
What to send, by relationship
A Workplace Or Hospital
Different rules apply. Fragrance is restricted in most wards and aged care, desks are small, and timing matters — flowers often land better in the week someone returns to work than in the week they are away.
Read the situation guide
A Funeral Service
Wreaths, casket flowers and standing tributes go to the chapel or funeral home, not the house — and they have to be timed to the service. We make them in 40, 60 and 80cm and deliver ahead of the ceremony.
Go to funeral wreaths & tributesWhen To Send Sympathy Flowers
There is no wrong moment, but there are six distinct ones, and each says something slightly different. If you are hesitating because you think you have left it too long — you almost certainly haven’t.
As Soon As You Hear
The instinctive response, and a good one. It says I heard, and I am not waiting to react. The house is usually full of people at this point, so send something that needs no attention at all.
Send: a boxed arrangement — nothing for them to do
In The Week Of The Service
Sent to the home rather than the chapel. Appropriate whether or not you are attending, and particularly right if you cannot attend and want the family to know you would have.
Send: white lilies, roses or chrysanthemums
On The Day Of The Funeral
Anything going to the service is a tribute, not a gift, and belongs on the funeral wreaths page. A separate arrangement at the house that evening, for when everyone has gone home, is a quiet and very kind gesture.
Send: something small and unfussy
When Everyone Else Has Stopped
The most underrated timing there is. The casseroles stop, the calls stop, and the house goes quiet — and that is usually when grief gets heaviest. Flowers arriving then say still thinking of you, and people remember them for years.
Send: a long-lasting box or a plant
One Year On
Almost nobody remembers the date except the family, who remember it for weeks beforehand. A note that names the person — not just “thinking of you” — carries real weight here.
Send: their favourite colour, if you know it
Birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day
The first of each without them is harder than the funeral for a lot of people. If you know someone is facing one, flowers on that morning are more useful than flowers in the week of the death.
Send: something warm rather than sombre
Which Flowers Last The Longest?
Every florist will tell you what a flower symbolises. Almost none will tell you how long it survives in a vase or how strongly it smells — which, for something being sent to a grieving household, matters considerably more.
| Flower | What it says | Vase life | Fragrance | Best for |
|---|---|---|---|---|
 Oriental lily |
Peace, and the restored innocence of the soul. The most recognised sympathy flower in Australia. | 7–14 days | Strong | A large room. See the pollen note in the care guide below. |
 ChrysanthemumIncluding disbuds and big mums |
Grief, remembrance and long life. The traditional mourning flower across much of the world. | 14–21 days | Light | The longest-lasting thing you can send to a home. |
 Carnation |
Devotion and enduring affection. Quietly formal without being cold. | 14–21 days | Light | Sturdy and undemanding. Holds a fortnight or more. |
 White rose |
Reverence, honour and quiet respect. The surest choice when you barely know the family. | 5–8 days | Light | Formality. Shorter-lived than most people expect. |
 Lisianthus |
Gratitude and appreciation. Reads like a rose but lasts longer, and carries no scent at all. | 7–14 days | None | Hospitals, aged care and small apartments — completely unscented. |
 Baby’s breathGypsophila |
Innocence and everlasting love. Softens anything it is put with. | 7–14 days | Light | Adding lightness without adding colour. Dries well afterwards. |
 Preserved & driedA keepsake, not fresh flowers |
Permanence. Chosen when the family want something to keep. | 1–3 years | None | Hospitals, memorial tables and long-distance senders. |
Who Sends What, And How Much To Spend
No rules, but plenty of conventions. Everything below is for flowers going to a home — if you are arranging the service yourself, you need tributes for the chapel instead, which are on our funeral flowers & wreaths page.
| Your relationship | What usually works | Typical spend | When |
|---|---|---|---|
| Sibling or closest friend | A generous boxed arrangement or a large white bouquet. Big enough to be the one they remember arriving. | Over $150 | First 2–3 days |
| Good friend | White or soft pastel — lilies, roses or a mixed white bouquet. Warm rather than formal. | $100 – $150 | First week |
| Workplace or teamOne gift, many names | A single arrangement from the group with everyone signed on the card. Send it to the home, then something smaller to their desk the week they return. | $100 – $150 | Both |
| Extended family | A lily arrangement or a boxed mix. Not competing with the immediate family’s flowers, and not meant to. | $100 – $150 | First week |
| Neighbour or acquaintance | A small boxed arrangement or a bunch of white chrysanthemums. Quiet and undemanding is exactly the point. | Under $100 | Any time |
| You didn’t know the personBut you know the griever | A plant or a long-lasting box. Send it a few weeks later, when the crowd has thinned — it will mean far more then. | Under $100 | Weeks 4–6 |
| Client or business contact | A formal white arrangement with a company card. Signed with the business name so the family know who to thank. | Over $150 | First week |
What Colour Flowers Are Appropriate?
White is never wrong. Beyond that, colour is one of the few places you can say something specific about the person — so it is worth thirty seconds’ thought.
White & Cream
The traditional Australian choice and the safest one if you don’t know the family well. Reads as peace, respect and restraint. Appropriate for every faith and every relationship.
Soft Pastels
Blush, lilac and champagne. Gentler than pure white, and often the better call for a long life being celebrated rather than a loss being mourned. Widely chosen for women and grandmothers.
Yellow & Gold
Warm and widely welcomed, especially in yellow and white chrysanthemums, which carry strong mourning associations across many Melbourne communities. A good choice when white alone feels austere.
Greens & Muted
Eucalyptus, gum leaves and soft greens carrying white or cream blooms. Often right for a man, or for a family who have asked for something unfussy. The foliage lasts well past the flowers.
Bright red and hot pink. In several cultural traditions red is a celebratory colour, deliberately avoided during mourning. If you don’t know the family’s background, white or pastel is always safe — and if you knew the person well and know they’d have hated a room full of white flowers, send what they actually loved. Nobody has ever been offended by a bright arrangement with a sincere note attached.
Sympathy Flowers Or Funeral Flowers?
The terms get used interchangeably and they shouldn’t be. Sending the wrong one to the wrong place is the most common mistake we see.
Sympathy flowers — this page
A private gesture to the living. Sent to a home, a desk or a hospital room, at any point before or long after the funeral. The flowers are a gift; the card is arguably the more important half.
- Goes to a home or workplace address
- Any day — there is no window you can miss
- Low-maintenance forms: boxes, vases, plants
- Keep fragrance light for a small home
- Sent by friends, colleagues, neighbours, extended family
Funeral flowers — separate page
A public tribute at the ceremony — the large formal pieces displayed at the chapel and seen by everyone attending. These are logistics as much as flowers: venue, date, service time.
- Goes to a funeral home, chapel, church or cemetery
- Must arrive ahead of the service, not during it
- Needs venue name, service date and time
- Ribbon message is public, so it stays short and formal
- Sent by immediate family, close friends and workplaces
If you are contributing to the ceremony, you want a funeral tribute. If you are supporting the people who have to keep living afterwards, you want sympathy flowers. Plenty of people send both — a wreath on the day, and something to the house a month later.
How To Make Them Last Longer
Written for the person the flowers arrive with, not the person who sent them — because a grieving household has no attention to spare.
The First Ten Minutes
Cut about 2cm off each stem at an angle before anything goes in water. The angle keeps the cut end off the bottom of the vase so it can actually drink. Strip any leaves that would sit below the waterline — submerged leaves rot, and the rot is what blocks the stems and kills the arrangement early.
Lily Pollen Stains — And It’s Avoidable
The orange anthers inside an open lily will mark skin, timber and fabric, and on anything woven the stain is close to permanent. As each flower opens, pinch the anthers out with a tissue. It takes five seconds, the flower looks no different without them, and it saves a tablecloth at exactly the moment nobody has energy to deal with one.
If They Arrive Closed, That’s Deliberate
We send lilies and some roses in bud so they open in the recipient’s house rather than in our cool room, and last considerably longer as a result. Oriental lilies typically take two to four days to open. If flowers are needed fully open for a specific day, tell us at checkout.
Keeping Them Going
Change the water every two or three days and re-cut the stems a centimetre each time — this is the single thing that makes the biggest difference. Keep the vase out of direct sun, away from heaters, and away from the fruit bowl: ripening fruit releases ethylene, which makes flowers drop noticeably faster.
Boxed Arrangements Need Almost Nothing
If they arrived in a box, there is a water source built into the base. Add a small amount of water every two or three days and otherwise leave it alone — no trimming, no arranging, no vase to find.
When They Finally Go
Some people find throwing out funeral flowers surprisingly hard. Roses, statice, baby’s breath and eucalyptus all dry well — hang a few stems upside down somewhere dark and dry for two weeks and you have something to keep.
What To Write On A Sympathy Card
Short beats clever. The family will read dozens of these in a week, and the ones they keep are the plain, sincere ones. Every H Flowers order includes a handwritten card at no charge.
If You Knew Them Well
- “With love and deepest sympathy. He will be so badly missed.”
- “Thinking of you all. She was one of the kindest people I’ve known.”
- “There are no words. We’re here whenever you need us.”
- “I keep thinking about the way he laughed. Holding you close.”
- “In loving memory of a wonderful friend.”
Colleagues & Workplace
- “With deepest sympathy from all of us at [Company].”
- “Our thoughts are with you and your family. Take all the time you need.”
- “With sincere condolences from the whole team.”
- “Thinking of you. There’s nothing here that can’t wait.”
- “With respect and deepest sympathy.”
When You Didn’t Know Them
- “With deepest sympathy to the [Surname] family.”
- “Thinking of you at this sad time.”
- “Our sincere condolences on your loss.”
- “With sympathy, from your neighbours at number 12.”
- “I’m so sorry. Thinking of you.”
Address it to the family, not the person who died. “To the Chen family” or “To Margaret and family” — never “To John”. The card is read by the people grieving, and addressing it to the deceased is jarring for them.
Always sign it clearly. A dozen arrangements can arrive in one week. If yours isn’t signed properly the family will never know it was from you — and many of them want to write back.
Don’t try to explain the loss. “Everything happens for a reason”, “at least it was quick”, “she’s in a better place” — all well meant, all landing badly. Acknowledge, offer, stop.
Pet Loss, Hospitals And Other Situations
The questions we get asked on the phone that almost no florist answers online.
The Notice Said “No Flowers”
Respect it for the service, and make the donation the family asked for — that request is usually about not wanting fifty arrangements to dispose of on the day. It almost never means “don’t think of us”. A small arrangement sent quietly to the home two or three weeks later is a separate gesture entirely, and is nearly always welcome.
Hospital, Hospice & Aged Care
Many Melbourne wards restrict or ban fresh flowers, and almost all restrict strong fragrance — so lilies and stock are the wrong choice. Send lisianthus, carnations or preserved arrangements, keep it small enough for a bedside table, and ring the ward first.
The Loss Of A Pet
Grief for an animal is real grief, and it is frequently dismissed, which makes acknowledging it unusually meaningful. Keep it warm rather than sombre — pastels or something in the animal’s colour, not funeral white. A short note that uses the pet’s name does more than the flowers do. Ask us and we’ll match a colour for you.
Sending From Interstate Or Overseas
This is most of what we do for sympathy orders — someone in Sydney, Auckland or Shanghai who can’t get to Melbourne. Give us the address and any timing you know and we’ll handle the rest, including ringing ahead if nobody’s likely to be home. We can send you a photo once it’s delivered.
Allergies, Asthma & Small Homes
If you know there’s asthma, hay fever or a newborn in the house, avoid lilies, stock and anything heavily perfumed — an arrangement that fills a small apartment with scent becomes a burden rather than a comfort. Lisianthus, carnations and preserved flowers are effectively fragrance-free.
A Household With Cats
Worth knowing: true lilies — Oriental, Asiatic, Easter, day lilies — are seriously toxic to cats, and even pollen brushed onto fur and then groomed off can cause kidney failure. If there is a cat in the house, don’t send lilies. Roses, carnations and lisianthus are all safe alternatives.
Sympathy Flower Delivery Across Melbourne
Hand-delivered to homes, apartments, offices, hospitals and aged care right across metropolitan Melbourne. Order before 12pm Monday to Saturday for same-day.
East & South-East
Box Hill, Glen Waverley, Doncaster, Balwyn, Camberwell, Burwood, Blackburn, Mount Waverley, Clayton, Springvale, Oakleigh, Ringwood, Mitcham, Nunawading, Hawthorn, Kew.
North & Inner City
Melbourne CBD, Carlton, Fitzroy, Brunswick, Coburg, Preston, Northcote, Thornbury, Ivanhoe, Heidelberg, Essendon, Moonee Ponds, Pascoe Vale, Epping, Bundoora, Richmond.
West, South & Bayside
Footscray, Yarraville, Williamstown, Altona, Werribee, Point Cook, Brighton, Bentleigh, Caulfield, Moorabbin, Cheltenham, St Kilda, South Yarra, Toorak, Prahran, Malvern.
If nobody’s likely to be home · apartment buzzer code or reception desk · any allergy, asthma, newborn or cat in the household · if it’s a hospital or aged care ward, so we keep fragrance out · if you’d like a photo once it’s delivered.
You can also schedule any order for a future date at checkout — for sympathy flowers that is often the better move. Full terms are on our shipping policy. For flowers going to a chapel or funeral home, timing works differently — see funeral flower delivery.
Sympathy Flowers — Your Questions
Which sympathy flowers last the longest?
Chrysanthemums and carnations, at roughly two to three weeks in a vase — considerably longer than roses, which manage five to eight days. If you want something that outlasts everything, a preserved arrangement keeps for years.
Is it too late to send flowers after the funeral?
No — and four to six weeks afterwards is arguably the best time of all. The visitors stop, the meals stop, the house goes quiet, and that is usually when grief is heaviest. Flowers arriving then say “still thinking of you”, which is exactly what nobody else is saying by that point.
Do sympathy flowers have to be white?
No. White and cream are traditional in Australia and always appropriate, but soft pastels, yellow and gold are all widely sent and often more personal. The one colour to be careful with is bright red, which in several cultural traditions is celebratory and deliberately avoided during mourning.
Should I send sympathy flowers to the home or somewhere else?
The home, in most cases. It is where the person actually is, and where the flowers do their work over the following fortnight. A workplace delivery suits the week someone returns to work. Hospitals and aged care usually restrict fragrance, so choose lisianthus or carnations and ring the ward first.
How much should I spend on sympathy flowers?
The gesture matters far more than the amount. As a rough guide: neighbours and acquaintances tend to send under $100, friends, colleagues and extended family $100 to $150, and siblings and closest friends over $150.
Why did my flowers arrive closed?
Deliberately. We send lilies and some roses in bud so they open in the recipient’s home rather than in transit, which adds several days to their life. Oriental lilies usually take two to four days to open fully. If you need them open on a specific day, tell us at checkout.
The family asked for no flowers — what should I do?
Follow it for the service and make the donation they nominated; that request is usually about not wanting fifty arrangements to deal with on the day. Sending something small to the home a few weeks later is a separate gesture and is almost always welcome.
Are lilies safe to send to a house with a cat?
No. True lilies — Oriental, Asiatic, Easter and day lilies — are seriously toxic to cats, and even pollen groomed off fur can cause kidney failure. If there’s a cat in the household, choose roses, carnations or lisianthus instead. Mention it at checkout and we’ll make sure of it.
What should I send for the loss of a pet?
Something warm rather than sombre — pastels, or a colour that suits the animal, rather than funeral white. Pet grief is real and frequently dismissed, so naming the pet in the card does more than the flowers themselves. Ask us and we’ll match a palette.
Can I send sympathy flowers from overseas or interstate?
Yes, and it is a large share of what we do. Give us the Melbourne address and any timing you know; we’ll ring ahead if nobody’s likely to be home, and we can send you a photo once it’s delivered.
What do I write on a sympathy card?
Keep it to a sentence or two. Address it to the family rather than the person who died, sign it clearly so they know who to thank, and resist explaining the loss.
Can I send something other than flowers?
Yes. A preserved arrangement keeps for years and suits a memorial table or someone who’d find watching flowers die difficult. Dried flowers are unscented, which makes them the right call for hospitals and small apartments.
Not Sure What To Send?
Tell us who has died, your relationship to the family, and where it’s going. We’ll tell you what usually works and arrange it — no obligation, and no pressure to order anything.
Same-day delivery · Melbourne Central & Box Hill Central · Handwritten card with every order